Please click on the celebrity circles above to reveal the identity of
invited guests.
NAME:
Kylie
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STATUS:
International pop star
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via her record label.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Australian and gorgeous. About my age. Nevertheless, I must point out that I'm happily married, so Kylie shouldn't come along with false expectations.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Tour dates and suchlike are bound to get in the way. Not raising my hopes.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Michael Winner
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STATUS:
Film director and food critic
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via e-mail to the News of the World..
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Michael's a controversial figure and I love his column in the News of the World. I reckon he enjoys a good party and will have a few stories to tell. Will he be happy with an old-fashioned rub-a-dub as the venue though?
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Calm down dear, it's only a birthday party! I think Michael would probably be up for it.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Tim Henman
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STATUS:
Leading British tennis player.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
By post to his agent in West London.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
After the disappointment of losing Wimbledon for the twenty-seventh time, Tiger needs a bit of a gee up. Remember, the first drink's on me if you show up, Tim.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
There's bound to be some minor tournament on the circuit in November. Auckland perhaps or an indoor in Kuala Lumpur. Couldn't put it stronger than a 15% likelihood.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Mollie Sugden
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STATUS:
Comic actress, better known as Mrs Slocombe from TV's Are you being served?
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METHOD OF INVITE:
By post to her agent in Buckinghamshire.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
I think she'd be great fun. And I am unanimous in that.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Mollie has now reached the grand age of 81 and may be receiving less scripts than she did, so could potentially have some time on her hands. She only has to come along for 35 minutes and I guarantee I'll treat her like a queen. Fellow stars from Are you being served? have been invited too, which may help to sway her.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Sir Trevor McDonald
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STATUS:
Veteran TV news anchor
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METHOD OF INVITE:
By post to ITN.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Sir Trevor, who's aged 63, will add much-needed gravitas to the party. Described by The Guardian as "the biggest brand in TV news".
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Both Sir Trevor and Mollie Sugden have appeared on Coronation Street. Trev played himself in the 40th anniversary episode.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Carol Kirkwood
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STATUS:
BBC weathergirl.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
By post to the BBC Breakfast show.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Carol's cheery disposition means that the party will go well, even if no other slebs can be bothered to get out of bed.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Conditions are set fair. If Carol has to be up early to do the Breakfast TV weather, she might be reluctant. On the other hand, she could just come along for 35 minutes and still be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed the next day. Come to think of it, my birthday's on a Saturday, so there's no reason why not.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Ray Shah
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STATUS:
Runner-up in this year's Big Brother.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
By post c/o Channel 4.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
I've always enjoyed Big Brother and consider it good family entertainment. Cameron, however, is a bit too much of a goody-two-shoes and Ray is more of a natural party animal.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
I suspect this is one of many invites that Ray will receive for 1st November. Not sure he'll be visiting my diary room, but it's worth a try.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Pooja Shah
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STATUS:
Kareena on Eastenders
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via post to the BBC studios at Elstree.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
No celebrity bash would be complete without a soap star or two. Albert Square certainly needs to send a representative. Apparently Pooja is a classically trained Indian dancer and I'm hoping she might be persuaded to give us a twirl on the night.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
There may well be some excuse about filming schedules and suchlike, as often these soap people are expected to be on set six or seven days a week.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
John Cleese
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STATUS:
Veteran funnyman.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
By post to his agent in South London.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Fawlty Towers. Clockwise. A fish called Wanda.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
As long as John doesn't get wind of the fact that I was never that keen on Monty Python, we may be OK.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Cerys Matthews
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STATUS:
Popular singer.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via a form on her website.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Cerys went all Nashville recently, which interested me a lot, as I've always liked country and western music. If she starts talking about Catatonia though, I'd probably be a bit out of my depth.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
I believe she's married and about to start a family, so I might not be catching her at the best time.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
"Thank you for your
kind words".
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NAME:
Kevin Woodford
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STATUS:
Celebrity chef and TV personality
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via post to the BBC TV Centre in Shepherds Bush.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
A famous namesake! What other reason could you possibly require?
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CHANCE OF A YES:
My advice to Kevin would be Ready, Steady, Book if he wants to be part of this exciting birthday event. Whether he'll heed my advice is another matter.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Charlotte Church
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STATUS:
Popular classical singer
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Singing telegram. Or maybe post, if I can track down her agent.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
This is my concession to high culture.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
There is no obligation for Charlotte to sing. In fact, no encouragement whatsoever will be given in that direction.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Graham Norton
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STATUS:
TV personality and talk show host
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via his TV show, in the hope my party will get a mention.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Graham's Rudolf the Rednosed Reindeer duet with Dolly Parton on one of his Christmas specials. This was quite simply one of the most glorious moments of kitsch in television history.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
I expect Graham's corporate entertainment gigs can bring in about £10k a night. I can only offer a free drink. You can draw your own conclusions.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Ms Dynamite
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STATUS:
Popular singer.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via her record label.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
I may be coming up to 35, but I've got to keep my finger on the pulse of popular culture. Or at the very least, popular culture of a year or two ago. I've seen Ms D on the telly and think she's very good.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Why do I suspect Ms Dynamite might have better party invites than mine? Who knows, though? If she's at a loose end on 1st November, everyone would be delighted to see her.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Karl Collins
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STATUS:
Detective Constable Danny Glaze in TV's The Bill
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via e-mail from The Bill website.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
I'm not anticipating any trouble at the party, but if anyone starts acting up, it will be good to have a real-life star of The Bill on hand.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Let's be 'aving you, Karl. I know you're probably very busy, but I'm asking for just over half an hour of your time
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Martina Navratilova
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STATUS:
Tennis legend
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Yet to track her down, but airmail is quite likely.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
I've been a big fan for years and think Martina would be a 'smashing' choice for any celebrity function.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Living in the States and still doing all that doubles stuff could be a bit of an obstacle.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Robbie Williams.
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STATUS:
Rock legend.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
By post to his record label.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
There's no question that Robbie is A-list. That's quite important, because - between you and me - some of my other invitees are not.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Just my luck, you can bet there'll be a concert, a TV appearance or a studio booking for that particular day. Otherwise, I think he'd be keen.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Wendy Richard MBE
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STATUS:
Former star of Are you being Served?
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via her agent in Central London.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
I know that she's instantly recognisable as Pauline from Eastenders, but to me, Wendy will always be cheeky shopgirl, Miss Brahms.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
My aim is to reunite a number of the Grace Brothers staff. This will either be a tremendous attraction to Wendy or something that will lead her to run a mile. Not sure which at this stage.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Michael Owen.
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STATUS:
England footballer.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
By post at Anfield.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Footballers are definitely big-league celebrities. The obvious thing would be to ask Becks, but I reckoned he'd be too busy. Michael may have less commitments.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Do club or international managers need to approve this kind of thing? I think Michael's his own man and would sneak off if he thought there was the chance of a good night out. Just the one free drink, mind.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Anne Widdecombe MP
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STATUS:
Conservative Parliamentarian.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via post to the House of Commons.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
I want to keep a high moral tone at the party. Anne would soon put a stop to any nonsense, but is unlikely to find too many Tory voters amongst my friends.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
It's a Saturday, so hopefully she won't be detained by a three-line whip.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Eric Bristow
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Nickname:
The Crafty Cockney.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
If anyone's got any suggestions for where Eric is now, please let me know asap.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
It may well be that there's a darts board in the boozer on the night. Eric is a dab hand with the arrows and would have plenty of opportunity to show off his skill. I'd buy the first pint, but I know that darts players often need several to sustain their sharp focus on the game. Eric would have to stump up for the others
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CHANCE OF A YES:
We wouldn't have that bloke with the microphone yelling "180!" and telling players how many points they required. Would the whole set-up seem a bit too amateur for Eric?
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Catherine Zeta Jones
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STATUS:
International film star
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METHOD OF INVITE:
I'll try to track her down in Hollywood. Or Swansea.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
What was that thing she used to be in with David Jason?
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CHANCE OF A YES:
OK, I admit this one's a long shot.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
John Inman
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STATUS:
Former star of Are you being served?
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via agent in Central London.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Menswear just isn't the same without him
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CHANCE OF A YES:
If John isn't free, who will be?
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
Unfortunately, the Grace Bros star is unavailable. Full marks to his agent
for getting back so promptly though.
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NAME:
Charlie Dimmock.
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STATUS:
Horticultural expert.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via the BBC.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
The unsung heroine of Ground Force. At last, she's getting true recognition.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
JIs early November planting season?
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Tiger Woods
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STATUS:
Very wealthy golf player.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via his website.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Whilst I don't pretend to understand golf, I know that Tiger became a celebrity at an exceptionally young age. This makes me feel sick with jealousy and I'm keen to learn where I went wrong.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
My party leader board doesn't feature Tiger near the top. He's welcome to 'swing' in at any time, however.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Trevor Bannister.
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STATUS:
Mr Lucas from 'Are you being served?'
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METHOD OF INVITE:
By post to the Buxton Opera House, where he's performing in mid-October. Hopefully they'll put the letter in his dressing room.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
I was down in Eastbourne recently and saw that Trevor was doing some stage work there.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
All I can say is that John Inman, Mollie Sugden and Wendy Richards might not be coming too.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Stella McCartney
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STATUS:
Fashion queen.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via her fashion house in Paris or Milan or wherever it is.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
There's a danger that my do might not turn out to be trendiest in town. Stella could provide some much-needed tips on how to add some glamour on the night.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Recently married, I believe, so she may not be out partying every night.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Simon Cowell
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STATUS:
TV pundit and Pop Idol judge
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METHOD OF INVITE:
By post to the ITV Network Centre.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
If any of the other guests get above their station, Simon will have a suitable put-down up his sleeve.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Doesn't he live in LA or Florida or somewhere now? I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Chelsea Clinton
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STATUS:
Student at Oxford University.
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Sent to the office of William Jefferson Clinton in New York City, in the hope that a message can be forwarded to his daughter.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Her old man told me she didn't have a lot to do and that us Brits should try to look after her a bit better while she's in the country.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
There's probably exams or tests coming up and she'd want to get her head down with her books.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Tony Stockwell.
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STATUS:
Living TV's 'Street Psychic'
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METHOD OF INVITE:
I've been thinking very hard about this one
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Tony seems like a genuinely nice guy and does all his psychic readings on the street. Could this be extended to a pub environment? I don't know, but it's worth a try.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Quite high. Tony undoubtedly knew about the invite before it was sent.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Bob Holness
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STATUS:
Legendary host of Blockbusters and former LBC radio anchor
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METHOD OF INVITE:
I'm sending it c/o a charity he's involved with. A bit cheeky, I know, but it's the only address I could find.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
I'm sure I could have done the Gold Run and want to prove this to Bob.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
I'll only settle for a 'y' please, Bob.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Rachel Stevens
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STATUS:
Former member of S-Club
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via her record label.
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REASON FOR INVITE:
Rachel has recently gone solo and I thought I ought to give her fledgling career an initial boost.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
No other members of S-Club are invited, which may be good or bad. I don't know.
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
J K Rowling
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STATUS:
Author
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Via post to her publisher
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REASON FOR INVITE:
She has apparently been responsible for something called the 'Harry Potter Phenomenon'. I'm not that au fait with it all and clearly need to bring myself up to speed.
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CHANCE OF A YES:
Is she working on another one? Even if the next instalment is under way, surely J K can spare 35 for Phil?
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Max Clifford
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STATUS:
Publicist
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Decided by suggestions received via the site
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REASON FOR INVITE:
To encourage last-minute RSVPs from other celebs
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CHANCE OF A YES:
I'm not sure he listens to the Mark & Lard slot on Radio 1
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
None received.
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NAME:
Scott Mills
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STATUS:
Host of 4am show on Radio 1
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METHOD OF INVITE:
Live on Radio 1
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REASON FOR INVITE:
The only celebrity to have shown any interest
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CHANCE OF A YES:
He wants to come!
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RESPONSE TO DATE:
Says on air that he can't think of a better way to spend this Saturday
night.
.
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On 1st November 2003, I'll be celebrating my 35th birthday. As well as
inviting friends of mine to join me for 35 minutes, I'm issuing the same
invitation to 35 celebrities too. We don't know each other, but hopefully
that will all change after the party.
This website has been created to keep track of replies from my guests and
each celebrity circle provides information about a different star. Simply
click your mouse on one of the circles to the left and a unique party profile will appear
underneath.
Best wishes
Phil Woodford, 34
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